Ashamed of my faith?

         A lot of scripture, particularly in the New Testament, encourages and petitions Believers to be bold in their faith. This is a department where I often have trouble with certain people.  The problem for me, isn't that I'm ashamed of anything that I believe, it's more that I think I'm ashamed of what people associate with others who claim to have the same beliefs as me.  There are far too many people who claim to believe in something and yet don't put forth the effort to display those beliefs through actions but rely solely on words.  Solely, I'm sure, is too radical of an accusation but the general pattern of their behaviour doesn't line up with the core of their professed paradigm.
        I really shouldn't be one to talk about hypocrisy as I'm sure that many people can point to actions that do not reflect the love of Christ that I hold as central toward guiding the way that I live.  I think that that too is part of the problem with my confidence in labeling myself with being "religious" or whatever the word choice is for people that ask about my theological leanings in a yes or no fashion.  I do my best (to be honest, I don't), but I really do try hard to live in a way that honors God and honors my loved ones. I fall short, I know this.  My biggest hang up is that I don't want people to associate Christianity with my failings, when my failings are a big part of why the love and forgiveness of God are essential to my life.  How do I encapsulate that within the confines of a one word answer or within 10 seconds?  I also don't want to say yeah, I'm religious, and immediately be placed into a box of being close-minded, hypocritical, and indifferent to other peoples problems that are due to behaviours that southern baptist ministers would condemn to hell.

I see facebook labels of Christians that I respect and love say creative little quips about their faith to avoid dropping "Christian" in the box.  What is it about the religion that we know and profess to be true that makes its namesake turn away more than it welcomes?  Are we wrong in not resisting the the negative imagery with traditional word association or are my friends blazing a new trail that focuses more on deeds than on labels?

I can't say that I have the answer, but I can say that I've shaken my head in bewilderment and some of the little quotes listed in religious views as attention seeking or as some other form of self aggrandizement instead of being straight forward.  But people may make different assumptions, if not always positive, about scriptural snippets or arbitrarily capitalized Statements about Cups, etc....

I still am no closer to knowing the most appropriate response, but my gut tells me that whatever it is, it should involve me being more willing to not answer on the fly and try to arrange a discussion later, to live more boldly by considerate/loving actions and to rely that my answer will rely more upon my living than on stereotypes someone's preconceived notions have implanted into their minds.  Because upon reflection, I think that people ask me these questions because they see something different and it doesn't fit their notions (I'm not meaning this in that I'm perfect or close to, but I am pretty accepting of people).  I shouldn't squander the opportunities nor should I go overboard on condoning behaviour that isn't in line with the natural order of things as ordained by God.

I can do better, I'm going to try.

Einstein and Religion

So, a while back I had been talking to various people about a variety of topics related to theology and turned to the almighty internet to read up on some topics. I navigated through a plethora of items and happened upon a lot of quotes from Albert Einstein, and the funny thing was, they tended to support diametrically opposed views.  Now, there are a number of things in the world that I don't like, quotes taken out of context is one of those things. I thought to myself, "Self, Dr. Einstein is one of the smartest people in the world, I would be very interested to know what his thoughts on God are, particularly given the discrepancy between the differing groups that purport to represent them."  So, here I was, some time later wandering aimlessly through a Barnes & Noble when I happened upon a book entitled Einstein and Religion by Max Jammer.  This book examines Einstein's life history, writings and talks on religion, and how physics relates to his theology from a philosophical standpoint which is allegedly unbiased and removed from personal persuance.

From my understanding thus far the author, a philosopher and physicist, has done an admirable job presenting Einsteins views and a context for said views in properly journalistic fashion without the spin that normally accompanies his words.  This book has been quite interesting and has in fact pushed my thoughts to interesting places several times.

In summary, Einstein ascribed to a "cosmic religion" where the mystery of nature reigns supreme over the limited understanding of Man and had been set in motion by a god.   Einstein didn't really think that God was one that had any likeness or could be petitioned to because he ascribed to a strictly causal outlook where prayer would be futile and free will non-existent, events would be deteremined solely due to environmental concerns.

This pretty much opens the door to where serious thoughts have begun taking shape in my mind.  I have always wondered how free will could exist alongside of predestination.  How can humans retain their humanity in the face of God's omniscience?  This is a question that it seems Einstein answered without properly realizing it.  I have yet to finish the book, but this took me by such suprise that it really kindled a deep seated interest in me.

The basic problem that I had was that if God knows what choice I will make 243 days from now at 11:17 in the morning, why should I worry about it?  If He can't, then how can he be all knowing?

Well, as it turns out, I'm not the first person to be plagued by these thoughts, though no one that I've known prior to now has been able to offer much of an explanation.  Anyhow, this dude Beothus or something in like 1100 thought about it and Thomas Aquinas thought about it some and didn't really offer a logical explanation other than to say that events in time exist one way, and God exists outside of it in another.  This actually isn't that dumb, but I had always assumed "time" to be an immutable part of life experience, when in reality is simply a manufactured dimension that we use as a metric in the world.  But some philosophers have said that if God is always in the present because he is in eternity, then as I type this blog Rome is burning and thus Nero is outside playing his fiddle simeultaneously as I punch little plastic squares.  This makes no sense and so  something about theology must be amiss.

Well, the Theory of Relativity kind of shot a hole in the above line of reasoning.  Einstein used the example of a train traveling along an embankment that gets struck by two bolts of lightening.  Anyhow, the bolts happen at the same time with respect to the embankment, but differently with respect to the moving train due to its velocity.   I need to read more about the mechanics on this becasue I'm still a little hazy.  The overall premise though is that different frames of reference, the embankment and the train can have different definitions of simeultaneity and therefore time in general.  So God can exist in a frame where he can see essentially a zoomed out version of Google Maps of our lives.

I'll write more about this soon, but this idea really fascinates me as I've never actually stumbled upon a logical explanation of this, even though Einstein didn't carry this through to its end in this particular sense.  Also, Einstein was pretty hypocritical in that he believed that people shouldn't be rewarded or punished for good/bad deeds because they were causally determined but he was a big time philanthropist and hated the Nazis for the whole Holocaust thing.

Purpose

So, I haven't really had any big time personal revelations lately so to speak, though I have had this lingering unsettlement with something rather ambiguous.  One of my best friends and former roomates, Lane, is working in Colorado at the same YL camp where I have spent 3 summers.  I wish like crazy that I was out there with him (with Gwynn of course).  It isn't the beautiful scenery, the perfect weather, or even the perfect job (horses) that I crave the most.  It is working for something bigger than myself, to sacrifice my body, my hours, and other options to try to share the Gospel with high school kids.  Not only does the underlying purpose of the day fail to be made apparent, but the support that you receive from everyone surrounding you working for the same goal from such a variety of perspectives is an incredible feeling of diverse solidarity that is simeultaneously unified and multifaceted.  The work does not end at what is directed at the campers but is nourished from what is directed toward one another.  It is if a community in such a fellowship is an eco-system in and of itself that can have ramifications of literally eternal proportions.  It seems as though my life is centered on relatively trivial matters and that my priorities are somewhat misplaced or unguided.  

The primary lesson for me to take away from realizing the root of my restlessness is that I can have purpose, fellowship, and fulfillment here in Boston.  God is certainly not confined to the Fraser Valley and I need to work to be conscious of His presence in the city and find ways to be grateful for it.  It is so easy to fall into the snare that some insignificant circumstance can place confines upon your happiness or your ability to carry on at least toward fulfillment.  Sometimes I need to tell myself:

Self, Cowboy Up

Transcendentalism

I'm not entirely sure how people who have experienced the wonder of God's creation and then been sucked out of it and placed into man's fabrication can do anything but clamor for a return to nature.  This has grown to be a residual thought in my head at most all times and I've longed to really be alone.  I've come to determine that I experience God most through the natural world that he created.  While it does reaffirm within me a desire and an encouragement to get in touch with birds and trees and stuff.  Another part of me really questions why I don't see God in my everyday life more, when his presence screams at me from untarnished countryside.   There are so many intricacies of life that should should fascinate me and personalities that should entrance me and point to the divine.  I am reading Robinson Cruesoe and he was talking about how he was stranded on the island and deathly ill and prayed for deliverance.    he was praying for someone to come rescue him, but some time after he was healed he realized how his deliverance from his illness was plenty to be grateful for, later on he realized that his turning back to God to begin with and realizing his iniquity and being delivered from Sin was far greater than any physical act.  Similarly I feel like God's presence is not confined to where I have an easy time seeing Him, but that I should instead search for him in all facets of my life.

Ethics

So, ethics have always held an interesting place in my life.  The very notion of ethics is one that I've often been challenged by in a thought provoking way.   The essence that one should govern his actions by an unflappable standard rather than by the actions, acceptance or tolerance of those around surrounding them.  I believe that the ideology of ethics is highly compatible with the Judeo-Christian tradition even though it ostensibly strikes me as incongruent.  

I say that the first impression seems incongruent because I think that we look to the Bible to have an answer for all of our problems and dilemmas, and the concept of a code of ethics is to put in place a framework above and beyond our sacred text.  God created Man with the capabilities of logic and reason and within an innate moral scale that can measure out what seems just, though all too often we fail at meting it out.  I firmly believe that poring over the Bible will point to resolutions in everyday dilemmas that are bigger than an historical context, but primarily as a mechanism to better understand the spirit and teachings of God/Jesus, thereby glimpsing how better to apply their "heart" and perspective to our lives. 

The Bible doesn't address dentistry, however the Code of Ethics for dentists has many well reasoned safeguards for the profession and I feel obligated to abide by them.  Not only because they make sense, but also through a sense of duty because it is right.

This thought kind of popped into my head as I was reflecting on 2 Corinthians 10 or 11 and how it encourages us not to compare ourselves to others.  We should be concerned for others for their own sake, not our own.  The more highly developed and educated professions become, the more they are concerned with imposing self-governance or ethics.  They feel it appropriate to place the burden of behavior among the practitioners to enforce it among themselves, I find this ironic given that Christianity set the same precedent several thousand years ago and is often viewed as outdated and irrelevant by the supposed professionals whose moral compass is becoming more closely calibrated toward a more ideal starting point of moral constancy.

Anyhow, this posting is rather scatterbrained on account of my having lots of thoughts on this particular subject matter which I'm sure I'll address later on.  One other impetus for me to create a blog post is that I have undertaken to write a paper highlighting an ethical issue relevant today in the dental world.  In short, it will address how I think that dentists that practice strictly cosmetic/aesthetic dentistry are behaving unethically from the standpoint of the hundreds of counties in the US that are without any dentists at all.  They might be doing good by helping people feel better about themselves, but they could be doing best by being health care providers to the needy.   

In the words of Jonathon Murfee, "Should you be doing what's good, or what's best?"  As Christians we are called to do what's best, as health care providers we are as well.

Overcooked Grits...

Tonight I watched a movie, The Express, that I anticipated to be Remember the Titans/Glory Road but applied to college football.  I would say that there are many similar threads but the main differentiating theme that stood out to me was the story of how one man can impact others with the combination of a good attidude, solid principles, and dogged work ethic.  In the film, Ernie Davis is a black running back in a mostly segregated world playing for a white team.  His goal was never to do things that portrayed him as a good "black" player but principally as a good player.  He knew his race, associations with it, and movements surrounding it, however he did more to uplift it through quiet perseverence leading humbly by example than most others had been able. He had impeccable character and skills of value, he didn't need to talk about what was right when he could live in such a way that he demonstrated it.  One verse that is read in the course of the story is from 1 Corinthians and really made me think, it is as follows:

1 Corinthians 15:10: 
"But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me."

This verse resonates with me in a pretty cool way, it molds together and puts into perspective a lot of thoughts that I've had over the last 6 months.  I am in dental school at Tufts University which is incredibly competitive, essentially 3-4,000 people apply for 200 acceptances and like 300 interviews.  These are not dumb people, no one would apply to the school and throw away $60 if they were completely unqualified.  My point is not to say that on paper or in person that I was more deserving of being admitted, on the contrary it is to say that I feel like my name was randomly drawn out of a hat of qualified individuals and I was lucky enough to be interviewed.  At times I really feel entitled to be where I am and develop this fog of superiority that lasts for a while before it hits me that I'm a pompous prick.  Even looking at my qualifications, I had the good fortune to be raised in a home with both parents being active in my life after receiving post graduate education, enough money to worry about what book could I buy rather than what I would eat, and innate abilities that allow me to excel in school work.

I am at a point in life where I have been set up to graduate from a top dental school and be entrusted with the health and well being of society.  I will be entering a field that people are suffering immense amounts of pain and discomfort from not being able to access/afford my services or are not properly educated about preventative treatments and have a very low health IQ.  It's nothing smaller than the grace of God which has enabled me to be in this position and I have the cavalier audacity to think that I deserve this and all it entails?  My response should be centered on the latter half of the verse in that it is my responsibility to labor as hard as I possibly can to put the position which I have been entrusted with to good use.  I don't necessarily mean that I should have my face in a book more hours of the day, that's not what being a health care provider is about.  However, my life and the role it plays in others is dramatically different and lacking from I feel it is called to be.  The impact that I can have on others will occur more in the roles of listener, educator, mentor, and friend than merely a dental surgeon.  However all of those roles fall under the title of Doctor and it is one that I need not take for granted even though it has yet to be bestowed upon me.  My ability to really "be there" for people that I encounter obviously starts with the little things on an everyday basis but extends to my willingness to sacrifice parts of my life that have oozed  their way into a place of inflated importance.  It is also something that I'm sure can be improved a little by stictly focusing my efforts and energies on the task at hand but I need to lean on God for continued inspiration, determination, and encouragement as I try to put myself in the back seat.  I feel an impinging wave of remorse even now as I write this in anticipation of failing, I hate sounding the hypocrite and I know (and really have known) how I should conduct myself but so often find myself falling short of the ideal which always convinces me that it is more or less worthless to aim for perfection.  Anyhow, I am where I am due to good fortune and grace, I hope that I can figure out a way not to squander the opportunity of my sake but more importantly for society's.

in Touch with technology

More often than not, I find that technology satisfies insatiable urges of mine to dispense with time in the ephemeral short term.  As opposed to going on a hike, a jog, or even a walk I will decide to research something more or less useless on the internet.  I get minimal satisfaction out of doing so the majority of the time whereas I would greatly enjoy time spent active in the outdoors.  In nature I find that I can stop evaluating life to the letter and soak in the theme of it instead.  The two places where I feel God come most alive to me are in the company of loving companions and in the presence of natural beauty.  These revelations have little to do with anything to be found in a bibliography or scholarly journal, yet they resound so clearly that I find no need to trace their veracity.  Even pulled back from the time commitment or weather conditions that could also weigh in on my decision to pursue something fulfilling versus something that seems gratifying, I often fail to spend time in contemplative solitude trying to frame my life's events within the context of my relationship with the Lord.  Not only do I feel the occasional burden of guilt for not doing what I know I ought to do, I feel the abscence and disconnectedness associated with the "why" behind what critics would cite as a pointless chore.   My life is enriched dramatically as I raise the eyes of my heart upward to focus on pure things and reflect upon those aspects of my life that are found lacking from its design.  I honestly don't know what it is about checking out the latest deal on SteepandCheap or reading an inane topic on a sports message board that tricks me into thinking that my time is better spent engaged in that frivolty.  However, with the world of information at my fingertips, I had previously used websites to look up verses and historical context but had yet to devote any significant portion of browsing time to God.  This fall, I purchased a device that has revolutionized the way that I organize my obligations, lists, music, and potentially (and actually) time wasting, the iPod touch. 

 Recently after months of condensed organization, creative writing mishaps, and mindless entertainment, I have found an application that serves to enrich my life.  I find myself glued to the stupid thing as it runs my life, but someone thankfully created an app that provides full text bible translations available at my fingertips and has a program that has divided the entire Bible onto a yearly reading schedule.  So far there have been 3 chapters a day, from the OT, NT, and psalms.  I now am able to check myself and have reading readily accesible wherever I am and it is so nice.  I can't really say that I've devoted as much time to the passages as I would have liked in all instances but I am definitely once again moving in the right direction.  So users of the iPhone and iTouch or even a Blackberry, let me encourage you to download YouVersion .

Happy trails,

Andy

SoulFed

So the source for this outlet of inspiration is somewhat roundabout.  I have a blog currently, Hubcitied, that I use for rather trivial and self-amusing subjects.  I have long pondered and even shortly experimented with adding a weightier substance to some of my posts but found that they did not really mesh.  I was at a bit of a loss for what steps I could take if I ever wanted to write about a more serious side of my life.  Initially I thought blogging was about sharing my thoughts with the world, as I have taken part in thought and writing I have realized that there is more to it than self gratification on the basis of others' approval of my work.  I find it cathartic to take loosely formed notions and transcribe them into thought out clumps of words that can be retrieved if the mood ever strikes me.  

The wellspring of thought that led to the creation of this blog is an email that I received from my schools chapter of SNDA concerning a dinner they were hosting.  The SNDA is the student arm of the minority themed National Dental Association and has a strong black heritage.  I am from the South and grew up in a school district that was 60% black and have a large number of black friends.  Upon going to college with a lot of northerners and very few blacks, then to dental school in Boston, I have encountered so many people who ascribe to a misguided crusade on political correctness.  I grew up eating Soul Food because of where I'm from, my grandparents grew up on a tobacco farm, it's what I know as normal.  The rest of the country apparently thinks that Soul Food is not only a black culinary designation but carries with it baggage of being negative because it is something people associate with blacks.  It is incredibly frustrating to me to feel incapsulated in a bubble where the words that I use can be restrung by someone looking to get offended.  People simply do not have trusting hearts when it comes to racial tensions, I don't know whether it is a function of society, media, radicals, or what, but the level of freedom with which we can discuss the goings on of life has been shrouded in euphemistic ambiguity clouded by a fog of vaguery that permits only the slimmest vestige of true meaning to be at all discernable.  

I asked some of my friends if people would get offended if I replied to the email concerning the SNDA dinner asking if they were serving soul food.  If the reply had been yes I would have gone in a heart beat, but apparently it would be offensive to presume that because it is a group with black heritage that there is a possibility that they would serve soul food.  

This experience coupled with my previous incapability to find an outlet for my thoughts relating to life, God, and where I find myself in relation to the first two have propelled me to create this here forum of my thoughts.  I would love to have friends follow me and exchange in dialogue with me, however mainly I would like for it to serve as a journal for my journey.