Overcooked Grits...

Tonight I watched a movie, The Express, that I anticipated to be Remember the Titans/Glory Road but applied to college football.  I would say that there are many similar threads but the main differentiating theme that stood out to me was the story of how one man can impact others with the combination of a good attidude, solid principles, and dogged work ethic.  In the film, Ernie Davis is a black running back in a mostly segregated world playing for a white team.  His goal was never to do things that portrayed him as a good "black" player but principally as a good player.  He knew his race, associations with it, and movements surrounding it, however he did more to uplift it through quiet perseverence leading humbly by example than most others had been able. He had impeccable character and skills of value, he didn't need to talk about what was right when he could live in such a way that he demonstrated it.  One verse that is read in the course of the story is from 1 Corinthians and really made me think, it is as follows:

1 Corinthians 15:10: 
"But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me."

This verse resonates with me in a pretty cool way, it molds together and puts into perspective a lot of thoughts that I've had over the last 6 months.  I am in dental school at Tufts University which is incredibly competitive, essentially 3-4,000 people apply for 200 acceptances and like 300 interviews.  These are not dumb people, no one would apply to the school and throw away $60 if they were completely unqualified.  My point is not to say that on paper or in person that I was more deserving of being admitted, on the contrary it is to say that I feel like my name was randomly drawn out of a hat of qualified individuals and I was lucky enough to be interviewed.  At times I really feel entitled to be where I am and develop this fog of superiority that lasts for a while before it hits me that I'm a pompous prick.  Even looking at my qualifications, I had the good fortune to be raised in a home with both parents being active in my life after receiving post graduate education, enough money to worry about what book could I buy rather than what I would eat, and innate abilities that allow me to excel in school work.

I am at a point in life where I have been set up to graduate from a top dental school and be entrusted with the health and well being of society.  I will be entering a field that people are suffering immense amounts of pain and discomfort from not being able to access/afford my services or are not properly educated about preventative treatments and have a very low health IQ.  It's nothing smaller than the grace of God which has enabled me to be in this position and I have the cavalier audacity to think that I deserve this and all it entails?  My response should be centered on the latter half of the verse in that it is my responsibility to labor as hard as I possibly can to put the position which I have been entrusted with to good use.  I don't necessarily mean that I should have my face in a book more hours of the day, that's not what being a health care provider is about.  However, my life and the role it plays in others is dramatically different and lacking from I feel it is called to be.  The impact that I can have on others will occur more in the roles of listener, educator, mentor, and friend than merely a dental surgeon.  However all of those roles fall under the title of Doctor and it is one that I need not take for granted even though it has yet to be bestowed upon me.  My ability to really "be there" for people that I encounter obviously starts with the little things on an everyday basis but extends to my willingness to sacrifice parts of my life that have oozed  their way into a place of inflated importance.  It is also something that I'm sure can be improved a little by stictly focusing my efforts and energies on the task at hand but I need to lean on God for continued inspiration, determination, and encouragement as I try to put myself in the back seat.  I feel an impinging wave of remorse even now as I write this in anticipation of failing, I hate sounding the hypocrite and I know (and really have known) how I should conduct myself but so often find myself falling short of the ideal which always convinces me that it is more or less worthless to aim for perfection.  Anyhow, I am where I am due to good fortune and grace, I hope that I can figure out a way not to squander the opportunity of my sake but more importantly for society's.

in Touch with technology

More often than not, I find that technology satisfies insatiable urges of mine to dispense with time in the ephemeral short term.  As opposed to going on a hike, a jog, or even a walk I will decide to research something more or less useless on the internet.  I get minimal satisfaction out of doing so the majority of the time whereas I would greatly enjoy time spent active in the outdoors.  In nature I find that I can stop evaluating life to the letter and soak in the theme of it instead.  The two places where I feel God come most alive to me are in the company of loving companions and in the presence of natural beauty.  These revelations have little to do with anything to be found in a bibliography or scholarly journal, yet they resound so clearly that I find no need to trace their veracity.  Even pulled back from the time commitment or weather conditions that could also weigh in on my decision to pursue something fulfilling versus something that seems gratifying, I often fail to spend time in contemplative solitude trying to frame my life's events within the context of my relationship with the Lord.  Not only do I feel the occasional burden of guilt for not doing what I know I ought to do, I feel the abscence and disconnectedness associated with the "why" behind what critics would cite as a pointless chore.   My life is enriched dramatically as I raise the eyes of my heart upward to focus on pure things and reflect upon those aspects of my life that are found lacking from its design.  I honestly don't know what it is about checking out the latest deal on SteepandCheap or reading an inane topic on a sports message board that tricks me into thinking that my time is better spent engaged in that frivolty.  However, with the world of information at my fingertips, I had previously used websites to look up verses and historical context but had yet to devote any significant portion of browsing time to God.  This fall, I purchased a device that has revolutionized the way that I organize my obligations, lists, music, and potentially (and actually) time wasting, the iPod touch. 

 Recently after months of condensed organization, creative writing mishaps, and mindless entertainment, I have found an application that serves to enrich my life.  I find myself glued to the stupid thing as it runs my life, but someone thankfully created an app that provides full text bible translations available at my fingertips and has a program that has divided the entire Bible onto a yearly reading schedule.  So far there have been 3 chapters a day, from the OT, NT, and psalms.  I now am able to check myself and have reading readily accesible wherever I am and it is so nice.  I can't really say that I've devoted as much time to the passages as I would have liked in all instances but I am definitely once again moving in the right direction.  So users of the iPhone and iTouch or even a Blackberry, let me encourage you to download YouVersion .

Happy trails,

Andy

SoulFed

So the source for this outlet of inspiration is somewhat roundabout.  I have a blog currently, Hubcitied, that I use for rather trivial and self-amusing subjects.  I have long pondered and even shortly experimented with adding a weightier substance to some of my posts but found that they did not really mesh.  I was at a bit of a loss for what steps I could take if I ever wanted to write about a more serious side of my life.  Initially I thought blogging was about sharing my thoughts with the world, as I have taken part in thought and writing I have realized that there is more to it than self gratification on the basis of others' approval of my work.  I find it cathartic to take loosely formed notions and transcribe them into thought out clumps of words that can be retrieved if the mood ever strikes me.  

The wellspring of thought that led to the creation of this blog is an email that I received from my schools chapter of SNDA concerning a dinner they were hosting.  The SNDA is the student arm of the minority themed National Dental Association and has a strong black heritage.  I am from the South and grew up in a school district that was 60% black and have a large number of black friends.  Upon going to college with a lot of northerners and very few blacks, then to dental school in Boston, I have encountered so many people who ascribe to a misguided crusade on political correctness.  I grew up eating Soul Food because of where I'm from, my grandparents grew up on a tobacco farm, it's what I know as normal.  The rest of the country apparently thinks that Soul Food is not only a black culinary designation but carries with it baggage of being negative because it is something people associate with blacks.  It is incredibly frustrating to me to feel incapsulated in a bubble where the words that I use can be restrung by someone looking to get offended.  People simply do not have trusting hearts when it comes to racial tensions, I don't know whether it is a function of society, media, radicals, or what, but the level of freedom with which we can discuss the goings on of life has been shrouded in euphemistic ambiguity clouded by a fog of vaguery that permits only the slimmest vestige of true meaning to be at all discernable.  

I asked some of my friends if people would get offended if I replied to the email concerning the SNDA dinner asking if they were serving soul food.  If the reply had been yes I would have gone in a heart beat, but apparently it would be offensive to presume that because it is a group with black heritage that there is a possibility that they would serve soul food.  

This experience coupled with my previous incapability to find an outlet for my thoughts relating to life, God, and where I find myself in relation to the first two have propelled me to create this here forum of my thoughts.  I would love to have friends follow me and exchange in dialogue with me, however mainly I would like for it to serve as a journal for my journey.